


[BEGIN RECORDING] operation: the big red cheese

by sh_rkboy



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DC Extended Universe, Shazam! (2019)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, shazam! post credit scene spoilers, yeah i don't know what this is either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 06:06:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18794479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sh_rkboy/pseuds/sh_rkboy
Summary: One of many of the early Justice League meetings.  On today's agenda: the Red Cyclone.





	[BEGIN RECORDING] operation: the big red cheese

**Author's Note:**

> they're all idiots except for diana

“So,” Bruce says in the middle of one of their early Justice League meetings at Bruce’s mansion, turning to give Clark a look. “I heard through the grapevine that you visited a public school in Fawcett City, along with a certain….Red Cyclone.”

“Oh my god,” Barry whispers, giggling as he takes out his phone to record as he chews on his bag of gummy bears. He’s been literally vibrating with boredom in his seat this whole meeting and finally, finally, something interesting is happening. “Batman almost said ‘Captain Sparkle Fingers.’”

“By the grapevine, you mean that Tim showed you a Snapchat story, right?” Clark asks, ignoring Barry, which, rude, and raising an eyebrow at Bruce.

Bruce waves a hand. “The details of how I obtained this information are insignificant,” he says, and Clark, Diana, and Victor all roll their eyes. Arthur is asleep and has been asleep for the past half hour.

“The fact of the matter is that you ate lunch with children,” Bruce says. “And I, for one, would like to know why.”

Diana sighs, but concedes to Bruce. “I would like to know as well.” Victor nods.

“Well,” Clark says, giving Bruce a shit-eating grin, “He asked me for a favor.”

“A favor?” Bruce repeats, scowling. “And how does this—” 

“Sir Zaps-A-Lot?” Barry interrupts, snickering. He didn’t know it until this exact moment, but it’s his dream to have Batman saying “The Big Red Cheese” over and over again set as the ringtone on his phone.

“—superhero know children? And why would he ask for such a favor?” Bruce continues, also ignoring Barry.

“Yeah,” Victor says. “I don’t know, it just seems sketchy that this adult man would wanna eat lunch with kids.”

“Yes,” Clark whispers under his breath. “An adult man.” Bruce narrows his eyes at the other man, who clears his throat. “He just wanted to help a kid there who was being bullied, Bruce,” Clark says louder, “Boost the kid’s popularity. He’s a good k—guy. I swear.” Clark winces. Bruce’s brow furrows even deeper at him.

“Perhaps Clark is right. Perhaps this man’s motivations are good,” Diana puts forth, ever the optimist.

Bruce grunts unhappily. “Do you know who he is?”

“No,” Clark says. “No idea, whatsoever.”

“Well, you know how to find—”

“ZAP-tain America?” Barry interjects, and Diana reaches up to whack him upside the head. “Ow,” he mutters, rubbing his head.

“—him, don’t you?” Bruce asks.

Clark gives him a cautious look. “....why?”

“Perhaps we should invite him to join us,” Bruce says. “After all, if he’s as good a hero as you say he is, he should fit right in.”

Someone makes a quiet, strangled sound. Clark thinks it might have been him. “Nope.”

“No? Why not?” Diana asks. Arthur snores. Barry speeds over to him, shoves a green gummy bear up his nose, and speeds back faster than anyone can tell he left. Actually, the way Diana glares at him, he realizes that he probably didn’t get away with it.

“You do know who he is,” Bruce hisses, glaring at Clark and standing up, looking as intimidating as he can. “You know who—”

“Thundercrack?” Barry whispers, only to get whacked in the arm, this time by Victor. “Ow, dude, what the hell?”

“—this guy is, don’t even try to deny it,” Bruce says accusingly. The room is suddenly thrown into a tense silence.

“Well, gotta blast,” Clark says abruptly, standing up to leave. He speeds out of the room, knocking over Arthur as he goes.

Arthur falls to the ground and coughs, gummy bear shooting out of his nostril and onto the floor. He looks over at Barry. “You knocked me over. I’m going to kill you.”

Barry smiles weakly. “....Gotta blast?” he repeats, making to leave.

Unfortunately, Bruce stops him by grabbing the back of his jacket. He takes Barry’s phone, drops it on the ground, and crushes it under his foot. “Sorry,” Bruce says, sounding not-sorry at all. “Security. Can’t let the contents of our meeting about the….Big Red Cheese….get out to the public,” he says, smirking.

Barry gapes at him. 

“Was there a gummy bear up my nose?” Arthur roars in anger.

Barry lets out a whimper of fear. “Gotta blast!” he squeaks, and then runs for his life.

**Author's Note:**

> please enjoy


End file.
